just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
