I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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