Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
