i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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