I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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