I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
ttyl tear gas
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
