I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Also, beer. Big fan.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
