i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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