hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
