I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
