im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
