I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize