He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
