4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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