I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
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