Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
