every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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