if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
