In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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