so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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