bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
