Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
