I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
