"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He passed out mid-signature
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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