I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So much Jack, so little girl.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
