i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
