I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
