You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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