LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
