Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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