I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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