I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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