sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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