she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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