hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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