So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
