Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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