Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
