guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
