Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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