I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
