I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
