My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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