Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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