So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
