So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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