i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
