i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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