wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
