You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Operation Purity has been aborted
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
