Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
