Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
