I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
