the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize