i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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