They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Randomize
