best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
