Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
