like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
