I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm having to shit out rocks
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
