How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
