Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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