You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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