I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
