I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
