im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
