you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We left the knife in your bed.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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