I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
