oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
