being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize